Poetry Bug

looks like there's a bug going around spreading the 'poetry disease' hehe...since last week, there had been 3 new inductees to the world of phony literature :P they are....tada! 'dead' june, choh khai n ee lin

neway no time 2 write much..juz wan 2 drop a note dat YESTERDAY (TUESDAY) 2 PPL RELLY PISSED ME OFF.
they are (in rapid consecutive order): aik chuan n jack beh.
in case ppl dunno who aik chuan is, he's a chi ko pek who has an annoying habit of shooting crap at everything that moves wif his whiny voice n broken english. ok, he's not relly dat bad but i'm relly annoyed wif him. the reason? he used the words '你妈的' on me. now in case u ppl dunno (n let this serve as a warning) i do NOT appreciate ppl insulting my family members in any way. period. i may complain n criticise them a lot but i do NOT like ppl using those crude colloquial 'addresses' in conjunction wif my parents. same goes for my siblings. even tho my sis is annoying at times...heh. aik chuan has it coming, oh yes he does...ok, i did give him a piece of my mind...HOPEFULLY he can get it into his thick head or else.

juz minutes later, while i was still feeling damn pissed, this jack-who-thinks-he's-the-king-of-the-world beh came n played the 'body glove' on me (i.e. gave me a watery imprint on the back, prob becuz the stupid asshole was too clumsy to use the beaker properly n split his distilled water). now dun get me wrong, i'm not a bad sport or anything. BUT (n let THIS serve as another warning) i do NOT like *practical* jokes, n i do NOT like jokes played on me when i'm in a bad mood. n since i'm usually the siao siao type, if u c me quiet n moody-looking u noe wat it means. so jack has it coming too, oh yes he does. n prob faster too, since he's already on half the teachers' black list.


neway...to come back to the subject of poems...there was this one i wrote during maths period on monday...wasnt gonna post it up cuz its kinda unfinished...but since i'm on the subject (n since its prob neva gonna b finished neway):

Let the arrows fly
let them pierce the sky
In waves they will sail
aim unerring, without fail

Let the heroes fall
dead, slain beneath the wall
Masters of sword and axe
struck down in a moment of lax

Let the earth tremble
the ghastly chanting, the rumble
As hordes march across plains
unstoppable in thunder and rain

Let my magic speak
energies of the ethereal leak
Let me save my world
the world behind the 'Hold

now i noe wat u'r thinking: 'what the heck, this is straight out of warcraft/lotr!' n yeah..i guess in a way those fantasy worlds hv somehow 'merged' into reality in my mind...haha...scary huh...i wasnt specifically thinking of wc or lotr but the influence is definitely there...

ok...way past bedtime (i've tentatively set 2am as my 'rehabilitation target') so ciaoz



p.s. sorry for the lack of links on my blog..havent got time 2 put them back yet...

p.s.s. come 2 think of it, aik chuan isnt such a bad sort cuz he photostated the front page for the muet file for me this morning...

What the *toot*??

ok...i dunno who or wat was responsible for the sudden resetting of my template, but if i ever find out...i'm gonna personally stuff their sleazy stinkin' arseholes wif shavings from my colour pencils

anyway...to write bout yesterday (sunday) abit...woke up late, family already went out for breakfast n came back...started studed 11-1, at 1.45 went to tkd...one of d gals at LMTC (mira) got into d 2nd stage of malaysian idols so the crew was at d centre to film her training...so we all untung lah...esp me cuz i was standing rite next to her when we were doing the patterns n kicks :P

then 5-6 had intensive training again...luckily it was cut short by half...started at 5.30...n was less intensive; still after 2 weeks of absence i was seriously out of shape n again was half dead at d end of d class...

went home, squandered 2 hrs of time (6-8pm) on9, then napped till 9....only started studying after parents came back wif my dinner...so in short, another weekend down the drain lah....

Happy B'day Ariel!!

here's to my mui mui...happy b'day!!

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Star light star bright
first star you see tonight
Ariel close your eyes tight
You're 19, make your b'day wish right!

Exams, pass with flying colours
and stand out among the Uppers
I'm so glad we're brothers
(oh, you're a girl? that makes us sisters!)

Keep swimming fast and stay ahead
fencing, pierce those that you hate!
Be Malaysian Idol, 'cos you sing so great
and STPM? Get A's straight!

Star light star bright
what a wonderful sight
As I conclude this poem tonight
Happy Birthday...spread your wings in flight!

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btw u pervs out there, dun get d wrong idea k? she's my godsister ;)

about Insomnia

ok..dun relly feel like blogging tonite...cuz relly relly sleepy despite d kopi-ais i drank at dinner today....but i feel i relly HAVE to write bout my insomnia problem..its starting 2 get major....

last nite i went to bed at 1.30 (or around 1.45 lah...cant be too exact here) n played my secret garden cd 2 help me sleep...then i suppose i did drift off...but at 2.30 something i woke again...apparently cuz d music ended liao...n i cudnt get back to sleep no matter how i tried...

so in the end i booted up my comp n went on9 again...met sue lyn, nan soo n caryn on9...but caryn left soon after...sue lyn oso left after complaining bout her toothache...i chatted wif nan soo abit n b4 i knew it, it was 4am liao...so i had another try at sleeping n this time succeeded...

however the lack of sleep took its toll on me today....i cudnt wake up for tkd at 8am (there was a demo at mbs n i was supposed 2 go)....n cudnt wake at 9 when my parents went out for breakfast (typing mistake detected by tansri) either....at around 10 i finally dragged myself up n had breakfast, then started working on my physics....it was then dat i realised lack of sleep manifests itself in subtle ways...i was 'feeling' alert n awake after drinking my morning cuppa but apparently some of my circuitry was short-circuited d...cuz i kept making the simplest calculation mistakes...the result was dat almost 2 hrs went by n i still cudnt finish one chapter's exercises despite having done half of them last nite...

the rest of the day went by quite routinely....physics training at usm (the honourable esteemed prof. yoon obviously din prepare for this lesson...we spent almost 2 out of the 3 hrs working on question no. 1 until finally he gave up)....went home n wasted some time on9....took a nap....went out for dinner....came back n wasted more time on9....finished up my physics exercise....then wasted even more time on9 again....n beat dan at chess :P

anyway....i started a new group blog, Insomniacs' UN-Anonymous....its an exclusive members' club for those of us who hv problems sleeping at nite...i've sent out a few invites d but anyone who's interested can msg me n i'll add u too...then we can all share our experience of sleeplessness ;)

oh...n apparently broadcast ppl from Malaysian Idol r coming 2 LMTC tomolo...part of their feature on places in penang i guess...so i better be there...dat means i better sleep early tonite...haha

rolls eyes

man, there sure are some stupid things u do once in a while dat u regret immediately after
neway gonna sleep now...i hope
lucky tomolo there's no important periods besides physics

Bleak Insanity

Long ago there was me
Only me and I was lonely

Some time ago there was you
You came into my life

I thought I had been hurt before
I thought feelings like this were foolish
So I thought you weren't the one
But I never thought I was right

So I opened my heart at last
Threw away the fears of the future
Let out the frustrations of the past
And tried to enjoy the present

You tried to understand me, I know
You were there and gave me everything
I started to believe, believing I could
That I could be different
That I could be loved

But you had a past, too
A past you couldn't forget
And you had a future
A future far far away

So you had to leave
All too soon
I tried to pledge myself
But I failed

Did you hope for different words?
Did you hope to hear those words?
Not "I do" but "will you"?
Not "I will" but "let me"?

I guess it could've lasted
But something else happened
Was it you or was it me
Now I'll never know

And when the spring comes to the lands of ice
And then leaves them once again
What once seemed desolate but tolerable
Will now appear bleak and unbearable

The lonesome road was meant for one
I lost my way 'cause I tried to fit two
And it wasn't meant to be that way
And so I lost myself, and lost my mind

For ages to me I lived in death
And somehow made death appear alive
To those who failed to comprehend
They thought I managed to mend

Well now the ordeal is almost over
I've decided to live again
And who knows someday I'd find another
To share my joys and pain

Insanity has met its end
I see the world more clearly now
It is futile to try to live
Where summer made seem bleak

But wait, before I end this tale
Some things yet I wish to say
I'm sorry if I ever caused you hurt
And thank you for everything you were to me

So please take my blessings before I leave
The journey I will take is far yet near
And when we meet again, if we someday will
Let us begin again, and forget the past

wednesday 20/4, in a nutshell...or two. or a few more...

7.30am-1.30pm - sch
events of note:
1) managed to settle my p.a. esei file for david "beckham" christopher, officially the laziest teacher in form 6; special thanks to samuel_lhc for his invaluable aid; hey, this aint no small feat u noe...i wrote 2 essays, 'designed' the front page n isi kandungan, n arranged all the note pages in order within 2 periods! n one of them was recess 25 mins only summore. had to skip breakfast n went hungry tho
2) together wif danny, chin kok, wei phing n kai lin, 'infuriated' ah pek by escaping his lesson..most of it anyway. excuse? had to pass up the p.a. files....

1.30pm-4.00pm - lunch n study group in sch
man...i've sed it b4 n i'll say it again...study group sux...esp when 2 of ur grup members go off to practice speaking, 2 went AWOL, n 1 only asked ONE question during the entire session..cuz he din study n was catching up by doing the 'cheap' Test Yourself questions...n me? wat do i get out of it? big fat nothing! except wasting half my afternoon drowsing in the sch library

4.00pm-5.00pm - home: showered, then my favourite time waster - wikipedia
today the main topic was games...was gonna juz start a few more torrents cuz i noticed the combined torrent speed wasnt close to my bandwidth limit...then came across a few new games n spent the hr reading them up on wiki

5.00pm-7.15pm - nap
as i've sed, i need 2 hrs minimum to function

7.15pm-8.15pm - finally, did some hw! cudnt get my mind to work so spent the time doing maths only tho...even tho i drank coffee again...guess i'm getting used to dat stuff...but hey, if so then y m i still wide awake at 3.58am typing this shit

8.15pm-9.00pm - dinner n piano practice - now THAT is the one thing dat went smoothly for today; practice time was cut short cuz my parents wanted to watch their favourite 9pm cantonese drama tho

9.00pm-10.30pm - crimsonland. any questions? on the plus side, i completed all the quests n unlocked the typ'o'shooter game mode d. yay, more time wasting ahead.

10.30pm-12.30am - maths. sigh...

12.30am-3.00am - tried star wars: republic commando ('test' wud b a better word; i do that wif every game i downloaded b4 filing them away)...then crimsonland AGAIN. btw, msn fucked itself again which mite b y i played crimsonland instead of chatting

3.00am-??? had a shower, then came up n typed this, plus the previous post...


(p.s. since i was still alive 5 mins after my dad's coughing, i figured it safe to continue writing, hence this additional post)

late night..(s)

lately have been sleeping real late...as in 3am thereabouts...2.30am at the earliest. why? i think it has to do wif my daily routine...i've been wasting my afternoons surfing wikipedia, sometimes as much as 2 hrs, b4 taking my nap - which is absolutely essential cuz i cant function without sleeping 2 or more hrs in the afternoon for some reason...haih, its juz unfair dat some ppl can go without naps AND sleep late at night...

anyway...as i hv been saying...i've been spending too much time on9 these days...n a new 'occupation' that had juz cropped up is Crimsonland...a mindless computer game where u juz go in n blast hundreds of aliens coming at u from all directions...haha as many of u might well know, often its those mindless games that r the most addictive (btw dan, my newest high score for survival mode is 226226...try beating THAT!)

coming back to my routine, its basically computer/on9 after dinner too..from 9-10, then i wud spend the next 2 hrs studying/doing hw out of guilt; but after that i cant resist the temptation to go on9 again...i dunno y but its like a MUST for me to touch the computer b4 i go to sleep every night...n around 12.30 i'll be scolded off the comp n i'll go pack my sch stuff n get some exercise..then..guess wat...1.30 when my mom is sound asleep i'll go up again to 'just check my mail' n then conveniently spend the next hr or so on9....haih...that makes about..4? 5? hrs of computer time a day...

mebbe the computer isnt such a great invention after all.

anyway...yesterday was MUET test...n wat can u expect from someone who slept 4 hrs the night b4...i totally messed up the comprehension (even tho i had plenty of time to check...even had a half-hr nap in the middle n drew a dragon on the back of my question paper) cuz as usual i was 'squeezing in between the cow's horns' - looking for 'traps' in the questions that do not exist...plus i think there was this question where i actually shaded the wrong answer! at least, thats according to seng chee who sat beside me n was checking his answers against mine... the invigilating teacher, mr. tay hian swee aka father of chemistry aka ah pek (he has another nick but i'd rather not disclose it :P) was so blur that when my answer sheet fell to the floor during my nap, he did not even notice! so untunglah those ppl who were sitting near where the sheet fell :P haha being perasan sikit here

back to the paper; in the writing paper i THOUGHT i did ok...cuz i finished the summary in record time (hey, usually i take 1 hr out of the 1 1/2 hrs for the summary...) tho i dunno bout the points cuz there seemed to be little to write about...n wrote quite a long (n long-winded) essay...THEN...after passing up, seng chee's first question: "did you write the title?" (its something dat our muet teacher had told us again n again to do)...n i said 'MUTHAF---A!!!' cuz of cuz i din...



neway dad coughed juz now n prob woke up my mom....getting too risky here so - to be continued....

Oh the Smell of Burning Rubber

as u might hv guessed from the title...today i VERY nearly got into an accident again...partly my fault n partly the other party's lah...but unfortunately for u guys, i managed to avert it...so i'll still be around for a while lah :P

anyway...i was driving home after sch n was passing the shang-wu primary sch area hawker centre when i tot i saw my frens walking beside the road...so i turned my head to see (it wasnt them, as it turned out)...n when i turned back again, some crazy van driver had cut into my lane AND slowed almost to a stop cuz he wanted to turn in at a break in the road divider. fortunately i rammed on the brakes (this was the hardest i've ever hit the brakes btw...the few - or more - times i got into an accident, it was either during reversing or someone else hit me; except that time at phor tay when i probably din brake hard enuf n hit YSS's car as a result) n managed to stop in the nick of time...but the incident relly jarred me...not juz the scare but the physical 'stress' of decelerating so fast lah...there was actually a huge SCREEEECH sound as my car came to a halt n the 'smell of burning rubber' reached my nose immediately after that...luckily there wasnt any cars behind me or something REALLY bad mite hv happened...

n besides that, it was embarassing too...cuz a lot of ppl turned their heads especially the pedestrians n motorcyclists...luckily there wasnt anyone i knew...or if there was, then i din c them :P anyway, lesson learned - never turn ur head on a bz street, n look out for crazy van drivers!

Events on Saturday

ok...here's a brief summary of the past saturday..juz to illustrate the extent of my time-wasting skills

8.30-10.30 - olympiad maths training in sch, for the first time stayed awake AND alert thru discussion of all but one problems

after that, had breakfast wif mom n sis, got home, showered n changed

12.00 - 1.30 - on9, trying to download a few elusive files on limewire which incidentally seems to be half-dead like bittorrent liao...oso met dan n received the steven lim video from him, which i heartily recommend to anyone wishing to laugh their heads off

after that - lunch, then came straight to the comp again...after promising myself that i wud just 'check the downloads' but...

2.00-3.30 - (major discovery: mp3 "jay chou - piano solo" is NOT a song by jay chou but sammi cheng...real name is 'ru guo wo men bu zai jian'...actually geh told me that b4 but i din believe him..haih dats the extent of my 'faith' in jay chou...mebbe i AM turning into his fan...) anyway, spent the afternoon searching for a midi of that song to convert into piano score n trying to get either overture or sibelius to convert it properly...which both of them failed to do so...

3.00-5.00 - nap; note the huge amount of time spent
5.00-6.30 - had my post-nap 'fix', i.e. coffee - i'm officially addicted to it now; then went on9 at 5.30 again, had another go at the score, then got fed up n printed it without editing; tried out the score a bit n fortunately it was *marginally* satisfactory

6.30-7.30?8.00? studying; more like, transcribing my notes from the maths training session this morning into full worked examples

then had the usual dinner at 8; missed my daily after-dinner piano practice

9.00-10.00 - finished up the maths, then tried to study physics but found maths ate up too much brain-grain d;
10.00-11.00 - reading stephen king's dark tower
11.00-1.30 - on9, doing essentially NOTHING cuz i was half asleep; later, energy levels rose for no reason, resulting in insomnia; did manage to badger dan into playing a few rounds of yahoo!chess including several rounds of blitz chess; oso beat xinch at pool (NYE NYE :P :P)
1.30 -3.00 - scolded off the comp; reading AGAIN
3.00-4.30 - on9, crapping wif lydia

slept at 4.30, end of day; regret of the day: din go to prefects' day (3 'days' in one sentence; my grammar/vocab is going down the drain!)


anyway, about today (sunday); missed taekwondo AGAIN (i wonder y i bother to even mention this cuz its been happening so often, its like the rule rather than the exception now) basically becuz i woke late, procrastinated, n started studying late (11am); din make much progress cuz lack of sleep n was trying to do some really stupid unnecessary calculations; plus had to fix the printer for my sis which took 2 hrs in the end cuz 1) was sidetracked by stuff like managing my downloads 2) did not have the printer driver cd n i deleted the printer 3) the printer cant print if its usb cable is not attached. n my sis pulled it out. n i din notice it.

other items of interest: dad's car got a puncture, was late to psc, xinch hit her head in the pool (dun ask...she'll kill me)

absence from sch

today i was absent from sch from sch again. fine, u may think; wats the big deal? the thing is, this is the first time in my life i was actually absent becuz i cudnt wake up in time...

the story goes as follows:
my mom knocked on my door at 7am as usual, but due to an exceptionally tiring day n late night yesterday, i didnt even wake up. my mom did not call me a second time n the alarm clock which i usually set as a safety precaution, failed to ring cuz i set it for the wrong time (8am!). so when i woke of my own accord, it was 7.40...too late to rush to sch d...n since apart from physics the other lessons today r 'skippable', i decided to treat myself to an extra day of rest :P

needless to say, when my mom came home n found out i did not go to sch, there was hell to pay. first there was the initial outburst, then later after lunch she came n gave me another (more serious) telling-off...i suppose it IS my fault dat i din set the alarm n slept so late last nite, but...

anyway...an update of my recent net activities: lately due to the fact that i've uninstalled all the games on my comp, i've switched to a new online time-waster: reading stuff in wikipedia. for u ignorant fellas out there, wiki is an online encyclopedia that has entries on almost every imaginable topic...for example, u can find info on many computer games including less famous ones...n usually when i read up on a certain topic, the links on that page will lead me to other entries, n so on n so on...in the end the articles that i am reading usually will hv no relation watsoever to the initial topic...but haih...i'm rambling again...

recently i've come to like a new artiste oso...'nan quan mama'...its actually a band...n their style of singing is very similiar to jay chou's...there's one guy whose voice is *almost* exactly like jay chou oso! according to samuel_lhc who lent me the cd, jay chou himself contributed his voice (i.e. sang in) a few of the songs oso...anyway the music's not bad...so u guys out there, get ur hands on the cd (or borrow from samuel..hehe) if u can!

btw, my last recommended song - 'wa jie' - was actually by nan quan mama...the opening lines were sang by jay chou n the title was 'jay chou - wa jie' when i downloaded it...so i tot it was by jay chou...sorry guys for the mistake..anyway its a great song n jay chou DID sing in it..so there! :P

ok...tomolo its the prefects' day...its in clhs but i dun think i'm going cuz i hv olympiad maths training again...but mebbe i'll juz go kacau around lah. wish my prefect gang...or wats left of it (wei liang n fatty goay) r going...cuz actually i wan 2 join cuz its the last year i can do so...but i'm not on that good terms wif the other sixth form prefects...being from 'opposing sides' in the past...anyway, gtg now

my sister was invited to lunch at putrajaya with the PM...

...and me? stuck at home, trying to study, wasting time on9 n sleeping my youth away. my sis was one of the 150 (or 130...dunno which) spm high scorers who were invited to putrajaya for a luncheon with the Big Man...n they were all presented this crystal (plastic?) souvenir/plaque/watever. somehow, all this made me feel more than a little regret that i had not studied harder during my spm days...after all, if someone in my family can do it, there's no reason y i cannot achieve at least something close to wat my sis did...but instead i went n got some relly sucky (relatively) results...haih. n stpm may still hold some promise as my 'last shot at glory' but at the rate i'm lagging behind studies, its as good as hoping for the sky to rain money...

anyway...its been a while since my last post (at least, it FEELS like a while...tho its nothing compared to the likes of samuel_lhc :P)...basically its becuz life's been shit n damn boring n there's nothing to write about...well, nothing positive anyway...n i doubt anyone wans to read about my complaints n gripes n general dissatisfaction wif life do they?

last nite (disambiguation: the night between tuesday and wednesday) i got only 3 hrs of sleep...thanx to the weather which is now on 'bake - crispy' mode; went to bed at 3 (dun ask y so late...its not wat u pervs think!) n tossed n turned for nearly an hr b4 i realised i was drenched wif sweat...so finally i went against usual practice (i dun usually turn on the air cond during week days) n turned on the air cond n managed to drift off shortly after that. the lack of sleep did not make much difference, perhaps becuz its normal practice for me to sleep the sch hrs away...but i did feel a little more light headed than usual after waking from my 'nap' during the free periods...

so anyway...about taekwondo...i think the enthusiasm is starting to cool off, n fast; lately i had been absent so often from class that everytime i go, i'm out of shape n always find myself looking forward to end of class; i think its mainly becuz i've discovered that over training does hv a big impact on study ability...as in it leaves me tired for the rest of the day (n probably the following day too...) n brings on the old coughing fit again...which takes days to subside, during which i experience greatly lowered concentration due to lack of sleep...so...i dunno lah...it seems like for me, fitness and health r 'inversely proportional' to each other...the harder i train, the 'stronger' i get but in actual fact its not that great for my health...

ok...i relly dunno wat i'm yada-ing about in this post oso..n its 2.34AM now...probably i'm posting this juz to satisfy that nagging little voice telling me to 'keep the blog alive'...haha readers, u better appreciate this!

Aerobics!

today morning went to an aerobics competition...joined under LMTC...yeah, some ppl mite wonder wat does aerobics hv to do wif taekwondo...frankly, i hv no idea wat i was doing there oso...anyway as expected din win anything...i had no idea how to do the freakin dance oso....basically its like everyone follows the instructor's movements n jump around for 3 hrs...wif 5 mins break between each hr lah...it wasnt THAT physically taxing (compared to taekwondo, at least) but sure was hard on the knees...somewhere during the 3rd hr i felt something in my knees starting to go sore or something...but anyway finished the whole thing without any major problems lah...waste of 10 bucks to join nia...tho we did get a sucky looking tshirt...anyway ms looi oso joined n won one of the 2nd prizes (there were 3 first, 3 2nd n 3 3rd prizes)...congratz to her!

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to backtrack a bit, yesterday was clhs sports day...a number of (unlucky?) students from each class were selected to turn up...i was exempted cuz supposedly i had prefect's duty...but i langsung tidak menghadirkan diri hehe...anyway even if i wasnt a prefect i probably cud hv wriggled my way out of it lah...since the ppl who were going for physics training in the afternoon were exempted oso...so i got a good night's sleep for 2nd time this week (1st time was thurs...was absent from sch)

anyway instead of going to sports day, i ended up at one-stop cuz there was a sale at popular bookstore...up to 90% discount! but the downside is, all the books were jumbled up...arranged in rows without any order....so it was a pain looking for, say, books by a particular author (guys, u noe whose books i was looking for dun u? shame on u if u dun! :P) so instead i picked up a relly sucky title (one of the buffy vampire slayer books) for xinch n a bunch of recipe books for my mom (THOSE were real bargains...basically u hv 2 buy a stupid 'year of the rooster' cookbook for RM4.88 which is filled with gourmet recipes that we usually dun cook at home....but then u will get to buy other cookbooks from that publisher at RM0.99 each! original price for those books were RM8.99-9.99). the Idiots' Guide n For Dummies books were all gone d...else i wud hv got some of those...n neither cud i find any martial arts books...geez i din noe they were THAT popular... :(

after getting the books i went looking for the jay chou incomparable concert vcds or dvd...but cudnt find it...at least, not in the one outlet that i searched (btw guys, dun go to the vcd/dvd shop on the top floor of onestop! the shopkeeper there damn kwai lan) so i headed home...by that time it was around 1.30pm d n i had to be at USM by 2pm! normally i wud hv juz made it but today there was this *beep*-ing jam cuz the road i usually take was blocked n all the traffic were redirected onto scotland road...so by the time i reached home, wolfed down lunch n sped to USM it was 2.30....then the stupid guard at the gate wudnt let me in! so i had to call chia ling n ask him to get the professor to speak wif the *beep*-ing guards....

after obtaining my permit (at last) i went to the physics session...luckily the class was just 'warming up'...so as usual sat thru 3 (2 1/2 in this case) hrs of alternating mind-torture n mind-blanking (when the professor goes into 'form' n starts doing all his weird calculus derivations, my mind goes blank...i was more than a little relieved to find that many of my schmates were the same ;P) then later had tea then headed home...

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back to today, i skipped taekwondo class again cuz lunch was served late n i din wan 2 go on an empty stomach again for fear of the repercussions in the form of health problems...so instead slept the whole afternoon away...went to psc, took it out on the punching bag a bit, then was gonna go swimming but...this is relly crazy i noe...got fed up after failing several attempts to tie the elastic string on my swimming trunks in the shower (i cudnt see anything without my glasses mah) so instead juz showered n went to the library! the rest of the day was a fairly routine sunday....

mouth infection, a weird dream, n a violent game

ok...its been a while since my last update i think...havent been in the 'blogging' mood for the past few days becuz of certain things dat made life miserable :(

firstly, i developed a relly painful infection/inflamation/ulcer/watever in my mouth..the left side to be precise...on wednesday n it persisted until today (friday?)...it was worst on wed when even talking was difficult becuz it stung every time i moved my mouth...needless to say, eating was horribly difficult. oh n btw, i oso did horribly on the physics test on wed due to lack of preparations and lack of sleep...

back to the mouth thingy; after being afflicted with this condition i found out that 'normally' i only eat with one side of my mouth..the left side...cuz in order to avoid the 'bad' part of my mouth i had been consciously chewing my food on the right side n it not only felt funny, the food tasted different too...besides that, after almost 3 days of using my right side of the mouth for chewing, i 'skinned' a section of gum there...so now BOTH sides r affected....shita...

anyway...on thursday i absented myself from sch for a much-needed rest...tho the day was maddeningly unproductive cuz i slept at least 10 hrs of it away...n spent a lot of the rest going on9 or dreaming at my desk...n becuz i got to sleep in late, i woke up remembering most of the weird dream that i had during the night...when i hv time i'm gonna post another entry dedicated exclusively to describing that dream lah...

today (friday), i went to the early (2.30pm) bio tuition class instead of the 4.30pm one i usually go to...the reason being that i thought i cud save some time by going early, coming back early n getting some rest so that i wud b ready for some work b4 dinner; however after i reached home at 4.45 (stopped at petrol station to refuel) i spent about an hour reading the Dark Tower novel that i mistakenly borrowed...then slept from 6 till 7.30....so as usual, i ended up without doing anything useful for the whole day....

at night, i went straight to the computer after dinner...juz meant to check mail etc....then something made me install Postal 2, a game i downloaded; n by the time i was finished with it, it was 3 hrs later d (played 9-12 to be exact)...the only consolation was that the game's extreme violence helped me vent some of pent-up frustration. nevertheless, i deleted the game b4 i got too addicted...had learnt my lesson since being hooked on ROSE earlier this year

anyway thats it for my brief update...now that i've satisfied the blogging urge (hopefully i din miss anything important out) its time to sleep n wake up to sports day tomolo


p.s. did i forget to mention the weather? the weather's been absolutely shitty the past few days. one day cold, one day hot...no wonder my health (over-sensitive to weather i am) had been on the low....today's rain was the worst...i hate those hot-day 'april showers' more than cold days cuz the rain on hot ground raises the most unpleasant smells...plus it makes the air so suffocatingly humid...

on Ill Luck and a Bad Day

i have always believed that if 'luck' was a real thing and every person has a different amount or 'level' of it, i possess much less of it compared to the people around me. this is largely because, as far as i remember, nothing good has ever happened to me that is a direct result of luck. this 'deficiency' of luck of mine is so tangible that, if i were to engage in a game, the outcome of which depends solely on luck (such as certain card and dice games), i would invariably lose. bad luck, though, seems to be my constant companion especially of late.

less than 2 weeks after a day which, though disastrously fraught with 'unfortunate events', was (hopefully) put in a less serious light than it actually was, i went through yet another day in which nothing seemed to go right. this time - perhaps because it was a school day where the pressure to meet my schedules and fulfill my responsibilities are higher - it seems to me much worse than the previous 'bad luck day'. hence i shall make no attempt to describe it comically and put it off so lightly this time.

today, bad luck manifested itself in the form of ill health; last night i hardly got any sleep thanks to a combination of cough and cold...to be more graphic, my nose was blocked while breathing through my mouth kept triggering coughing bouts because of a certain 'raw spot' in my throat. i did drift off several times but was repeatedly awakened, perhaps by breathing difficulties or just general discomfort. as a result, i went to school today with wat seemed like a ton-weight on my head; drowsiness, and an inability to focus severely taxed my mental faculties for the whole morning.

anyway during recess, i was walking back from the canteen with ming tatt when a student who was coming in the opposite direction bumped into me. only a second later it registered; the student had probably bumped me on purpose (there ppl in my sch who are always looking for trouble with the prefects; 'accidentally' bumping into them is one way). at that time, i did not relly think much of it..but later i realised that had the same thing happened 2 years back, i would hv made that student pay dearly; at the very least, pulled him over to make him apologize, even if he did not really do it on purpose. the point is, i hv become 'soft'; the incident made me feel unworthy of being a prefect because i no longer carry any of a prefect's authority. a small matter this may seem to others, but it made me feel bad all the same...

today we had practical sessions for both chemistry and physics; i did not prepare for the experiments so i did not know wat we were supposed to do. anyway due to all the coughing, i was literally left with 'no voice'...so...i dunno...perhaps it was becuz i wasnt speaking loudly enuf to be 'assertive'...when i tried asking some of my classmates about the experiments i was met with the cold shoulder. i just hate it when ppl ignore me, whether they did it on purpose or not. and that made me feel EVEN worse.

after school, i managed to make someone...a close fren...mad at me. i was supposed to pick up something from her at college but went out with frens for lunch first; in the end i made her wait from 1pm till 2.30pm; when i got there she was relly fuming at me (n dat was the first time i saw her angry...at me..!). also, i had planned to go to one-stop but because of a developing headache i had to cancel my plans n head home to

at home, i wasted the whole afternoon sleeping from 3 till 6.30. when i woke up, i realised that sometime during the day, a small inflamation in my gums had developed into a toothache. so just now during dinner i did not enjoy my food in the least...despite being ravenous because my dad came home late...apart from that, i also have a headache and fever coming on...n i cant be absent from sch tomolo cuz there will be a physics test which i havent studied for.

signing off to study now...hopefully i can still salvage wat remains of shit day...

update on a rainy day

lately i've been addicted to soft drinks mixed with alchohol...i wonder if its the first sign of alchoholism :P my favourite so far is ice-cream soda + alchohol....i get the alchohol from wine in case anyone's wondering...cuz i relly cant tahan beer...

anyway....yesterday (sat) went to pc fair with tansri, sue lyn, xinch n ghee....n ended up wasting the whole afternoon n evening! at first everyone was supposed 2 meet at my hse at 2.30 but xinch n ghee were late (wif ghee around being late is the rule rather than the exception...n one wonders wat the two of them were doing 'having lunch' from 1.00pm till almost 3.00pm :P) so in the end tansri, suelyn n i left for pc fair without them after agreeing to meet them there

well...we reached the pc fair around 3.00...walked around to check out prices...i was looking for a hdd while suelyn wanted 2 buy a 256mb mp3 player dat her fren sed is selling at 180 bux only...tansri of course was functioning as our tech advisor. there was a hell lot of ppl at d pc fair, including a bunch of ppl from my sch..many from my class...who were working there esp at the streamyx stall. after half an hr of pushing our way thru about 1/3 of the stalls xinch called to ask how to get to pisa...turns out both of them had no idea where is pisa...so tansri had give them directions...n promptly disappeared into the crowded while carrying MY hp...! so i cudnt call him n had to search all over the place for him...

after locating the tansri, we decided to head for the seats ringing the arena (it IS an indoor stadium after all) n wait for xinch n ghee while observing the 'action' from higher up...so it ended up, as xinch put it, wif 'a monkey and an old man' sitting at the very topmost row of seats, the monkey folding paper airplanes while the old man...well, who noes wat HE was doing...as for sue lyn, she embarked on a one-woman quest to locate 'the best mp3 player bargain of the fair'...

at around 4.30 xinch n ghee finally arrived...so we went down to jostle wif the crowd again...after making a circuit of the area we somehow got separated...so i bought my stuff (a 200GB hdd for 385 bux...not a bad deal eh) n went back to the 'high seats' again wif tansri...but apparently d others were so bz hunting around (or in xinch n ghee's case, hmm) dat they never noticed we were gone...so in the end we went down AGAIN...this time we ended up at the streamyx stall where finally the others showed up...then we went back up to the seats (i noe, its beginning to sound like a bad recurring dream) while sue lyn went to...guess wat? shop for her mp3 player...

almost an hr later, xinch n ghee had to leave...n sue lyn STILL had not finished her shopping...we were like...wtf is she doing?? summore not answering hp...so i had to 'go in' again to find her n drag her out...n as expected, she was empty handed...geram nia wasted so much time. man, relly feel like cekik-ing sue lyn now! anyway kesimpulannya by the time i reached home it was 7 something d...dats about 5 hrs total down the drain...

fast forward to today; went to taekwondo class at 2pm...today ms looi decided to focus on patterns much to my relief...i wasnt feeling up to 3 hrs of combo drills wif the 5-6pm 'hardcore intensive' thing looming unpleasantly in the near distance...anyway around 4.30 it started raining n the downpour increased until even the extra training was cancelled...so we got off lightly this time lah..heh

i also told ms looi i *most probably* wun b joining the kl tournament...the reasons i gave her were parental objection and a test middle of the month...tho there was another reason as well - i wanted to attend prefects' day cuz it wud b my last chance to do so....anyway its kind of a relief dat i wun hv 2 b competing so soon lah...

later in the evening - at the psc library - i discovered among the new books, the *almost* complete set of stephen king's Dark Tower novel series! actually the set is complete but someone beat me to the first book d...n stupid me din realise it n borrowed wat i tot was the first but was actually the 7th n last book in the series! anyway how was i to know that the book (titled..."The Dark Tower"...*rolls eyes*) named after the series is the last n not the first? esp since the other books were conveniently labelled 'dark tower II', 'dark tower III' ...

(end of entry)

S.A.D.

"Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is an affective, or mood disorder. Most SAD sufferers experience normal mental health throughout most of the year, but experience depressive symptoms in the winter. SAD is rare, if not nonexistent, in the tropics, but is measurably present at latitudes of 30°N (or S) and higher."

Seasonal Affective Disorder. its a real thing n it affects real ppl. like me, for instance.

every year, whenever the rainy season rolls around, most ppl wud celebrate the arrival of the lifegiving rains. not me. to me, the rainy (cold/wet) season is a time when i'm at my mental, emotional and physical worst; a time when i am lazy, hardly able to wake in the mornings, lethargic in thinking and actions; n irritable and depressed most of the time...

for several years now i've observed this trend - this 'drop' in my abilities n emotional functions; but there was nothing i could do about it. i wasnt even sure it is for real until i read about SAD. hopefully, writing about it will help lessen some of its effects, at least on the mental-emotional side. i found that writing or talking about my problems, even those considered insurmountable, always help reduce that feeling of frustration n helplessness...

the fact is, i am a person who is greatly affected by the weather. this might come as a surprise to most ppl who noe me including some of my closest frens, for it is a topic i never considered worth bringing up in conversation. anyway, it seems that i am stimulated (a lot!) by sunlight while dark n gloomy weather (or surroundings, such as the interior of my current classroom which my wretched classmates insist on keeping fully sealed to keep the air-conditioned coolness in) brings on almost immediate drowsiness. as for the emotional effects, i'm guessing it is becuz of hidden frustration becuz i noe there is nothing i can do about the lengthening nights n shorter, less bright periods of sunlight in the day...which inevitably affects my energy and alertness level, and hence my study performance.

did i forget to mention also that my fingers have this annoying way of drying up n becoming smooth, thus losing its natural 'grip' n making it a damn PIA to play the piano or turn pages of a book? these mite seem like small things but it relly takes its toll on my mood when suddenly the piano pieces that i play seem so much harder cuz my fingers keep slipping off the black keys...(yeah, i'm THAT crazy about my piano)...n as for the difficulting in turning pages, it makes referring back and forth that much harder when i'm studying...thus adding further to my frustration...

obviously, this damned weather also affects my mental 'coherence'...relly, i hv no idea wat i'm actually writing about...i juz noe i need to complain about it somewhere...but i suppose ppl who read this wun hv any idea wat i'm saying...i suppose this post IS a bit jumbled n confused cuz i hv difficulty arranging the facts - wat i want to write about n such - properly...yeah, it is THAT serious.

one last thing: now that u've read this, i suppose i can be excused for any inexplicable negative behaviour over the next few weeks?