dreary days....

so in the end, i din get to go himeji after all.
wats all the deal about himeji anyway. i hate traveling alone. wazawaza going all the way to himeji, almost 2hr each way, juz 2 use up a stupid one-day unlimited train pass to see an old castle in the cold winter weather AND it being cloudy n rainy to top things off.....not my idea of spending a weekend day.

still, each 'use' of the 18kippu (the name of the one-day train pass) is 2600 yen, so in essence ive wasted 2600 yen, almost RM80....

the stupid weather forecast predicted snow frm tonight (monday night) till wee hours of tuesday. but today forecast changed to sleet followed by 'wet snow' (wtf is that anyway); a few minutes ago upon checking again, its changed again to sleet throughout the night. now as we know, sleet is a mixture of rain n snow....IF there were any slightest hint of snow in the drizzle outside, i wud b happy 2 accept all the shitty rain.....but NO ITS ALL WATER AND NO ICE zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

so im stuck indoors, outside its dark n gloomy n affecting my mood, n i hv 2 cram like crazy for the calculus test this wed. its such a contradiction dat i actually find calculus interesting but its my worst subject. n i HATE the weekly tests. being given 10 mins to write 2 whole pages of proofs means that u hv 2 memorize everything beforehand......anyway lets leave it at that.

so yeah, another year has rolled by......a few weeks ago ppl were all going 'MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!' but wat the heck. i never had a reason 2 feel happy during this 'festive season'. all those stories ive read about celebrations, festivities, gatherings n fellowship during christmas time.....i never experienced them b4 anyway. n here in japan christmas is synonymous with 'couples' day', which makes things even worse....THIS christmas wei liang dragged me to universal studios japan so u can imagine the feeling of being stuck wif a guy when there r couples all around u. if we didnt look gay i duno wat else we cud hv looked like....lol

damn, winter is such a melancholy period.....its like when cold envelopes u physically it seeps into ur heart as well....winter is a time for feeling both the pain of heartbreak n the forlornness of having been alone all ur life...........a contradiction in itself cuz ive never had a gf before so i shudnt be feeling any 'heartbreak'....but i guess i DID experience sumting of the sort b4 so im able to relate to the nostalgia n longing that ppl sing about in songs.............or mebbe ive juz listend to too many sad songs n watched too many stupid romantic movies....hehh

neways, enuf time wasted.....time 2 prepare for calculus! may god smile upon me....wait, i dun hv a god......may the fates or watever smile upon me then, n duncare if they dun anyway.....life is about believing in n depending on urself, not sum omnipresent, omnipotent deity who may or may not save u on a whim.....