left behind

ever since end of March, every once in a while, I would get this strangely familiar, sinking feeling of being left behind. since coming to Osaka 4 years ago, a certain group of people have become part of my life, a part that I have perhaps taken for granted. they are the other foreign students who entered Osaka Uni at the same time as me, and graduated at the same time.

only difference is, most of them left after graduation.

the ones who stayed in Japan, almost invariably chose to go to Tokyo Uni. the Korean gang went home to be drafted into the army. a close friend from Singapore went home to work in the government. before I knew it, my social circle has suddenly, abruptly shrunk.

and it's not the end of the story. at least two more people will leave Japan by middle of the year, one whom I've known since the days of studying Japanese in Tokyo, another with whom I've built up a sort of distant yet tangible friendship from frequent meetings at the shabby school gym.

so yeah, come summer, I'll be feeling REALLY alone. can't help thinking that if I hadn't failed those grad school applications, I'll be the one saying goodbye and leaving everyone in Japan behind. it's selfish, I know, but given the choice I'd rather have things that way.

I'm tired of being left behind....